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Oh My God Daddy... I miss you so much. I swear sometimes I miss you so much I can't breathe. I can't sleep. I can't think. I can't move. I'm frozen.. in time.. in a memory.. of which I have so many - and In those moments.. I feel no hurt, no sadness, no joy, no mourning, no missing, no pain, .... no nothing. I am numb. Still, 7 months after the fact that you're gone. I'm hollow - unwhole- unacceptant of the fact that I can no longer drive to your house on a bad day after work and bury my face in your big shoulder and pour my heart out to you... waiting for your re-assuring words.. your hand to pat my hand.. you telling me "Princess, everything will be ok.." Daddy... when will things be ok? Becuase things are not ok.. they havn't been for a long time. I am not okay. I miss you more than I could ever say.. more than anyone will ever know. You were such a good daddy. You were my best friend.. my best friend ever. My supporter, my back bone, my daddy, my mentor, my rock, my everything... my hero. A girl could NEVER have asked for a better daddy. I remember everything about you. From the way you sat on the edge of your bed, to the smell of you, the way your mustache hairs would brush my lips everytime i gave you a sideways kiss goodbye.. i miss the way your hair fell in a messy part and most of all i miss the sound of your voice and the way it felt when i hugged you. I miss you.. what kind of sentence is that? Is the work miss enough? Is there not one stronger? One with more meaning.. becuase to me.. miss is not enough to explain my life without you. The kids are getting so big. Isaiah misses you. He has coped much better than i expected. Malachi is going through some things but I'm trying my best to deal. Josiah- Oh Josiah.. your grandbaby.. my child- you only got to hold him twice.. 2 times.. 2 short times.. I tell him about you everyday. How much you would love him if you were still here. And how saddened I am that you never got to see his smile. He looks like you.. something about him reminds me so much of you. -- I love you Daddy. You are always in my heart. In my mind.. in my thoughts.. and I miss you so much that my heart has broke time and time again. I just want you back. I know that can't be.. But thats all i want- is to have you back.
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